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  2. So, now, if someone asks me,”The feeling is like when you ask Steven Yeun a question on tumblr and he actually answered, y’know?” I can say,”YES, YES I KNOW EXACTLY HOW *THAT FEELS!”

    * SO HAPPY I SUDDENLY NEED THE TOILET

     

  3. (I don’t know)

    Isn’t chat-logs amazing?
    It’s almost like finding old journals (or as my generation usually refer them as diaries), written by the younger you. 

    I haven’t been on tumblr in months, before that I’m pretty sure I went almost a year without checking my tumblr.

    I finally checked my tumblr - after months - because someone left me a ‘question’ on my “ask” box. 
    And after answering it (privately), I ended up clicking here and there on tumblr and reminded of these people that I used to communicate quite often with. 

    I haven’t heard from them in a quite a long time. 

    Before I knew it, I found myself reading chat-logs on one of my messengers. Conversations from over 4 years ago with people that I thought were friends, people that I’ve never met but yet felt like I’ve know for a long time, men that I thought I want to be with but not really, conversations that seemed interesting back then but now, re-reading them, just made me feel,” … dear god, that was a boring conversation. Was I drunk?!”.

    But, just like those journal pages (and Twitter archive (?) - or whatever you call it - from years ago), they remind you of what you were and what you’ve become. 

    How far you’ve grown and shit like that, y’know? 

    This was suppose to be one of those ‘deep’ posts - not that I ever have any - but … meh. Don’t think I’m doing this right.

     

  4. rambles #12433 (made up the numbers)

    I have never been jealous at people who has the chance to do what they love - either for a living or just, simply, all day long. Because I used to be one of those people. 

    Now I just feel like I’m stuck doing something that I don’t necessarily hate, but it doesn’t make me happy. It’s like, I’m hurting my soul. Every. Time. 

    I’m exaggerating?
    No, not really.
    It’s really more of those situations where you need to be in one to understand. I guess.

    I miss being creative.
    I miss having conversations that aren’t forced, made up or just … fake.
    I miss that awesome feeling of finding, hearing, writing about something new.
    I miss feeling not obnoxiously tired everyday.

    I miss a lot of things.

    Things that I do like.

    Things I do love.

    Things I have to put aside, and slowly getting trapped under every other things, because they don’t pay for the rent and the bills.

    I now envy people that has the chance to do what they love.  

     

  5. Anonymous said: hello there~ found this tumblr because I typed "punya pacar bule" in Google *please don't judge me, I know that's lame, I was bored.. that's all ;p* Just wanted to browse for one's experience in bringing 'bule' boyfriend for a vacation in our lovely country Indonesia ;) Love your writing so so so much! Even now still reading the posts ^^ Congratz on the wedding, hope you enjoy the new life :) -cheers, mita-

    Hiya, Mita. 

    Sorry for the delay - been a very busy couple of months. Saking jarangnya buka tumblr, sampe udah lupa password XD.

    HAHAHAHA - not judging but that is quite an interesting search. 
    Thank you for reading whatever rubbish I post on here (glad you enjoyed it) and yes, I am enjoying my new life. Thank you so much.
    :)


     

  6. (Overly) Positive People

    … are like overly religious people; it’s better if they stay as far as they can be from me. 

    I’m not going to try to vanish them from this world - because I’m pretty sure someone else is already on that - but because sometimes, they’re entertaining. 

    Why do I think that they’re alike?

    Because it irritates them when you say,”Nah, I don’t see it like that”. They might not want to admit it, but - deep down inside - they’re irritated. 
    Then, they’re going to write down things that you disagree with them to use as something that they can go,”And this is why WE_THINK we’re better than you!”

    Right.

    For those who knows me for more than a month or two, they should know I’m not a big fan of religions - whatever kind. To stroke your religious ego, I’m just going to say that I’m too dumb to understand your epic concept of this … “thing”. There. 

    Now, the (overly) positive people, how are YOU doing?

    What’s that? You think I’m a negative person and therefore you’re better than me? By all means, DO be better than me. I mean, *I* would like to be better than me, simply because I’m not easy to please. I always want more in my life. But here’s the thing, just because (I always want more in my life), doesn’t mean that I’m not being thankful for what I already have. 

    If I was able to reach a level 3 of something - a skill or something like that - and I want to reach level 6, that doesn’t mean I’m not being grateful that I reached level 3. That means, I KNOW I can do better than just level 3. And when I do get to level 6, trust me when I say this - I’m going to want to go level 9 or 10. Because, what kind of life would it be if you just go,”Oh, okay. That’s it. I’m not going to try to achieve something more, do something better. I’m too “small” to dream that big” …?

    I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to give that to my life. I don’t want to, one day, lying on my deathbed, thinking about thing I wanted and didn’t fight hard enough to get. Because, I know for sure that a “At least I tried …” feels a lot better than a “I should have done this/that …”. 

    Feeling bummed out every now and then after giving all you got to get where you want, isn’t being negative. That’s called BEING_HUMAN. What? Don’t tell me you’ve never wanted something so bad, it hurts more than you thought it was going to be when you didn’t get it? Some people might choose to hide the disappointment or to deny it but I don’t. How’s that a bad thing? 
    How is it a bad thing that I see things as they are: when I feel like life has screwed me over, that’s how I’m going to say it. I might be wrong, I might change my opinion after I spend time looking for the silver lining and shit, but seconds after it happens and when I’m feeling like shit, why should I say that I’m feeling alright? Just to please you? Oh, please.  I don’t sugarcoat things, that’s million miles away from being negative. They’re not even in the same neighborhood, it’s ridiculous. 

    So, don’t hate me and throw your judgmental rocks at me because I have higher standards than you. Don’t say that I’m not being grateful for having a husband who loves me and the chance to live abroad because I still have dreams (lots of them) and passion for things. That’s not fair. And it’s also funny because, even my husband wants me to pursue my dreams, be whatever I want to be, he’s with me all the way, but yet — here you are, making me feel bad for wanting more for my life. 

    No, no. I do get that you’re trying to tell me to see my “glass” as half full instead of half empty, or other fancy positive sayings that you have written on your walls (probably with your blood or something), but - sweetheart, life isn’t a glass. Life isn’t a pitcher or coke. Life is A LOT bigger than that. 

    So:

    1. I refuse to look at my life as (just) a glass of liquid.
    2. If being positive means I should always feel content with what I already have and to not want more — darling, you go on. I’m fine being the, so called, negative person that YOU think I am.
    3. You’re lucky I wasn’t born a man, otherwise I’d be telling you to suck my dick by now.

    Okay.

    That’s all.

    x

     
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  10. When Life Gives You Lemons …

    tell it to go fuck itself because you_don’t_need_lemon. 
    Lemon. Isn’t. The. Answer. To. Everything. 

    Sometimes you just want it - life, I mean - to go/be lemonfuckingless. 

    And, no — don’t give me that,”Oh, but look at the bright side” hum. 
    No. I don’t want to look at the bright side. I’ve been looking at it for quite a while, I think I’m partially blind now. 
    So, again, NO.

    "Maybe you’re not trying enough."
    How about I throw all of my efforts to your face so you can feel how hard they are. 

    There will always be that moment in your life where you wish the world comes with a remote that has the mute button on it and only that. It’s now for me.

    So, please, don’t bother.